Happy Day! It's becoming more and more all about pumpkin and lovely Thanksgiving dishes to prepare in advance. And pie after pie after pie recipes in every other email. And magazine article. AND this makes me SO joyful. The ability to eat one or two slices will be the biggest feat for me, but at least I can maintain a reallllllllllllllllly excited attitude and passion about it all!
What is YOUR favorite pie? Or fall treat? Or, well, anything from your past that will always bring a smile to your face and happy feelings to your tummy?
I can list many, and all have Da's name in front of them... Da's Pecan Pie, Da's Date Loaf Candy, Da's Fudge, Da's Mashed Potatoes, Da's Chicken and Dumplings. Yep. All things Da during Christmas makes my heart fill with vivid memories of the sights, sounds, and smells of many happy years spent with her and Dado.
Change. I realize it's inevitable, but each year I find the holiday season becomes a bit more difficult to endure. I love it and become depressed over it at the same time more often than I would like. It's the oddest things that cause me to smile/cry - like a dish towel with a leaping reindeer sweetly sewn upon it at Kohl's. I don't know. Does a dish towel cause the same emotions to well up and spill over in you? I would love it if you said yes, because then we could go and cry over the dish towels together. And don't even take me to the ornaments. It's over in half a minute, and the store manager would be kindly escorting me to a "safer" and less memory-filled area. Perfumes, perhaps. Or men's shoes. Hahaha! Oh, I love to make myself laugh.
I have to find some sort of comical something in just being so very Betsy.
Treatment news... I'm truly doing better. That is TERRIFYING. Really. I have been in a "I'm freaking out!" state for the past week, but I know I'm becoming healthier. And I ate lasagna roll-ups I made. I don't know the last time I ate two helpings of lasagna roll-ups. Granted, I health-ified them, but whatever. I do not care, and others liked them, too!
You want the recipe. I know you do, and this has a close version of mine.
Of course, life without bits of pumpkin during the fall days just isn't right. So I made...
...which I found here.
I do wish mine would have turned out better, but that just means trial two will be coming soon! I loved the cakey texture, however, which probably came from me making them perfectly the first time taking them out of the oven wayyyy too early. Most likely the cause of a non-fluffy creamy filling. Don't care, still delightful :)
These were insanely good, and especially with the addition of maple syrup in the cream cheese filling. I'll be honest - it was fat free cream cheese. I can hear many of you saying "oh, the real stuff is so much better!" I know this. I genuinely know this. I still, however, opted for lower calories; the guilt in eating these is enough to send me into a tail-spin (imagine me actually spinning around chasing my tail... I just did. That's ridiculous and most comical!) Each time I had one I vowed to not eat another.
I've had one every day, despite said vow. YES. I'll take mine warmed up, with a drizzle of powdered sugar glaze (just sugar and milk, as thick as you like.) Please and thank you SO much.
Lovely friends, have a perfect evening. Enjoy the remainder of your Sunday and the extra hour you so kindly received today! I think I've done enough random writings for one post...
Love, Betsy
When fall comes, I find myself a bit more excited about life. A lot more, actually!
And when I'm more excited, I tend to bake and cook a LOT more. Especially when I find recipes like this...
That turn into delicious breakfasts looking something like this...
And in those brief moments of sheer pancake bliss (covered in a maple-apple-butter-syrupy-mess,) I forget about Chaz and his thoughts on food. It's in those moments, I realize recovery might MIGHT be possible.
Food, if you didn't know, is energy! Have you seen the video from Parks and Rec? I love it. I could watch it 231 times a day. I would love it, and then be able to reenact it! "Pow!" "That's spaghetti!" Watch it. Hilarious. Well, to me.
I hate how fleeting joy-filled moments are these days; most unfortunately, they've become few and far between. I suppose, however, that's better than never having said moments!
What else is new besides my strange breakfast addiction? Hmmm. I live in Katy, and am seeing a fun, quirky therapist. I like her. She reminds me of ME! Hence the reason behind calling her quirky - I would never dare say someone was so, unless I truly felt it. Do feel free to tell me I am; I will totally claim it, wear a "I'm quirky" sash, and fulfill all roles of the being "Miss Quirky of America." Not that we've had that contest yet, but with allllllllll the new realities shows coming out hourly, I'm certain this will be one. Please put my name in the drawing for contestants, should it occur. Thank you in advance.
Ok, so in therapy the other day I was asked one of the most thought-provoking questions. "Betsy, have you ever considered that there might be a day when you will be well. When you won't have one thing after another go wrong? You've been through a lot of hell in your life, BUT there will be a day when things will be brighter. Anorexia won't be a title you hold. And you'll be able to have more than one good day in a row."
Think...think...think...answer. "No. No, I haven't. There's always been one twist after another. To imagine a day like that is incredible."
That is my new goal in therapy. I love it. Is it not so very lovely and grand? Perhaps there is someone out there who has never been asked this. And if that's so, does it inspire anything in you to change and move forward in whatever area of life might be causing you distress? Ponder it. It's most ponderable.
A digression for a minute - I want "ponderable"to be a real word. I see the mean red line under it, but I. Don't. Care. I like it. My good friend Kat would totally understand. She's just as quirky as me and would also claim it. End digression.
Oh!! So, I've been scouring blogs in search of cookie recipes (you're in a state of shock, right? Probably not. SO Betsy of me to do!) I found this one and totally love it. LOVE love it (which means a lot in Betsy-lingo.) It doesn't even need refrigerating! HELLO SIMPLE.
Roll it out. Cut into happy fall shapes. Bake. You get something like this...
...and then you eat. Or frost them and eat them. Or put them in a cookie jar. Close the lid. Open the lid and eat one. Or two. Or even three. I can never eat just one cookie.
Progress. I know I'm making progress if I can bake AND eat. Happy Dance!
Happy Tuesday, friends :) I hope it's filled with lovely pumpkin carving, fall baking, friend calling, and other enjoyable things.
Love, Betsy
As a disclaimer for anyone named Chaz who MIGHT read this: Please understand I don't hate you, or dislike you, or really even know you. The name, however, is really fitting for my ED. So, no offense? Thanks.
ED, standing for eating disorder, is now going to be Chaz... you know the one. He's a jerk on a bike who expects the best from you and gives nothing in return. Makes you feel terrible, fat, ugly, horrible, and at best a nuisance to others. He's mean while at the same time putting on a facade of perfection around everyone else. And he dresses all in leather. Probably pleather. You can call ED whatever you want, but the point is he's lying. He convinces you of things that are so filled with untruths it's sickening and makes YOU sick. Literally. And, yeah, usually I'm going to post a lot of Betsy-funny-random-thoughts-and-thinkings while going through treatment for anorexia... but not today. Often I wake up wondering how the day will be, and it started out ok. It's raining! Happy Rainy Fun Day to me! But then, the fuzzy-headed thinking came in. And I realized Chaz has been at again; convincing me to not take in enough protein and to eat the same snack at night - the same routine that led me into this deep, dark pit of despair. Truth: There is nowhere to go, not one place, but up from this point. Hope. Such a hope and light saturated in that phrase. On a happier note... It's fall. IT'S FALL!! If I could put the smells and lovely leaves and pumpkins and warm baked treats into that one sentence, well, I would. Fall makes me a bit more joyful - which is why Cinnamon Raisin French Toast was a most lovely, delicious breakfast choice for the morning. I prefer to end on a more pleasant note - meaning I better stop now. Have a beautiful day - and if you can, stop and smell the fall-goodness surrounding you.
Love, Betsy
