The Heart of the Matter

I wonder what that phrase truly means.  If I took a moment to look, I'm more than certain I could find it out quickly through Google (I don't want to "take a moment," so I'll just guess by process of reading between the lines.)

What is the heart of the matter in regards to my particular eating disorder and the stress I find myself under each day?  I cannot for the life of me put a finger on it, which is even more irritating.  Like an itch you just can't seem to reach.  OH.  That is terrible!

Some days I can paint beautiful pictures for you, and make life seem so happy and lovely and wonderful.  Today is not that day.  If anything I'm writing solely because it seems I'm losing my mind!  I feel numb, emotionless (even though I know KNOW that I have plenty of emotions, due to the tear-spotted key-board on which I type!)  I struggle with wondering what my worth is currently.  Why is it that we seem to place our worth on our job or marital status or collegiate achievements?  Maybe it's just me.  But I have a feeling there are multitudes of others who do just the same.

Obviously I'm not in a great place, though I'm told things will get better.  

But, when is that day?  When is the grand "all better" day?  I cannot wait to share, in the most unbiased way possible, the ridiculous twistings my family has gone through over the past two years.  I won't even go into the years prior to that.  Unless you have time to read a long, long book - think, hmmm, Harry Potter Anne of Green Gables Gone with the Wind length.  Yes, that will work.)

I am POSITIVE I will have a happier story to tell later in the day.  I did manage to make a successful Thanksgiving turkey this year!  I would love to share the recipe and pictures and see what you might have ventured into attempting :)

So, I suppose I'll talk to you (or ya'll or you two.. or to whomever might glance at this) later.  Happy Monday to you.

Love, Betsy

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Change.

Happy Day!  It's becoming more and more all about pumpkin and lovely Thanksgiving dishes to prepare in advance.  And pie after pie after pie recipes in every other email.  And magazine article.  AND this makes me SO joyful.  The ability to eat one or two slices will be the biggest feat for me, but at least I can maintain a reallllllllllllllllly excited attitude and passion about it all!  

What is YOUR favorite pie?  Or fall treat?  Or, well, anything from your past that will always bring a smile to your face and happy feelings to your tummy?

I can list many, and all have Da's name in front of them... Da's Pecan Pie, Da's Date Loaf Candy, Da's Fudge, Da's Mashed Potatoes, Da's Chicken and Dumplings.  Yep.  All things Da during Christmas makes my heart fill with vivid memories of the sights, sounds, and smells of many happy years spent with her and Dado.  

Change.  I realize it's inevitable, but each year I find the holiday season becomes a bit more difficult to endure.  I love it and become depressed over it at the same time more often than I would like.  It's the oddest things that cause me to smile/cry - like a dish towel with a leaping reindeer sweetly sewn upon it at Kohl's.  I don't know.  Does a dish towel cause the same emotions to well up and spill over in you?  I would love it if you said yes, because then we could go and cry over the dish towels together.  And don't even take me to the ornaments.  It's over in half a minute, and the store manager would be kindly escorting me to a "safer" and less memory-filled area.  Perfumes, perhaps. Or men's shoes.  Hahaha!  Oh, I love to make myself laugh.  

I have to find some sort of comical something in just being so very Betsy.

Treatment news... I'm truly doing better.  That is TERRIFYING.  Really.  I have been in a "I'm freaking out!" state for the past week, but I know I'm becoming healthier.  And I ate lasagna roll-ups I made.  I don't know the last time I ate two helpings of lasagna roll-ups.  Granted, I health-ified them, but whatever.  I do not care, and others liked them, too!

You want the recipe.  I know you do, and this has a close version of mine.

Of course, life without bits of pumpkin during the fall days just isn't right.  So I made...

...which I found here.

I do wish mine would have turned out better, but that just means trial two will be coming soon!  I loved the cakey texture, however, which probably came from me making them perfectly the first time taking them out of the oven wayyyy too early.  Most likely the cause of a non-fluffy creamy filling.  Don't care, still delightful :)

These were insanely good, and especially with the addition of maple syrup in the cream cheese filling.  I'll be honest - it was fat free cream cheese.  I can hear many of you saying "oh, the real stuff is so much better!"  I know this.  I genuinely know this.  I still, however, opted for lower calories; the guilt in eating these is enough to send me into a tail-spin (imagine me actually spinning around chasing my tail... I just did.  That's ridiculous and most comical!)  Each time I had one I vowed to not eat another.

I've had one every day, despite said vow.  YES.  I'll take mine warmed up, with a drizzle of powdered sugar glaze (just sugar and milk, as thick as you like.)  Please and thank you SO much.

Lovely friends, have a perfect evening.  Enjoy the remainder of your Sunday and the extra hour you so kindly received today!  I think I've done enough random writings for one post...

Love, Betsy