Monday, November 26, 2012

The Heart of the Matter

I wonder what that phrase truly means.  If I took a moment to look, I'm more than certain I could find it out quickly through Google (I don't want to "take a moment," so I'll just guess by process of reading between the lines.)

What is the heart of the matter in regards to my particular eating disorder and the stress I find myself under each day?  I cannot for the life of me put a finger on it, which is even more irritating.  Like an itch you just can't seem to reach.  OH.  That is terrible!

Some days I can paint beautiful pictures for you, and make life seem so happy and lovely and wonderful.  Today is not that day.  If anything I'm writing solely because it seems I'm losing my mind!  I feel numb, emotionless (even though I know KNOW that I have plenty of emotions, due to the tear-spotted key-board on which I type!)  I struggle with wondering what my worth is currently.  Why is it that we seem to place our worth on our job or marital status or collegiate achievements?  Maybe it's just me.  But I have a feeling there are multitudes of others who do just the same.

Obviously I'm not in a great place, though I'm told things will get better.  

But, when is that day?  When is the grand "all better" day?  I cannot wait to share, in the most unbiased way possible, the ridiculous twistings my family has gone through over the past two years.  I won't even go into the years prior to that.  Unless you have time to read a long, long book - think, hmmm, Harry Potter Anne of Green Gables Gone with the Wind length.  Yes, that will work.)

I am POSITIVE I will have a happier story to tell later in the day.  I did manage to make a successful Thanksgiving turkey this year!  I would love to share the recipe and pictures and see what you might have ventured into attempting :)

So, I suppose I'll talk to you (or ya'll or you two.. or to whomever might glance at this) later.  Happy Monday to you.

Love, Betsy


  1. Betsy, your posts always seem to put a smile on my face, no matter the topic! I'm not sure if its because I can relate to you on almost everything that you write, if its because I read it in a Betsy voice or I simply just miss you and I feel like these give me a glimpse into your life. Whatever the reason, I am grateful to have this little glimpse into your life in Austin and words can not express how thankful I am to have you as a friend! I love you my dear! <3

  2. Ah, sorry it's a difficult day. But if you ever do want to share that story, you know I will be completely willing to read it...length unimportant. Wish I could hear it in person. Love and miss you. S.

  3. oooh girl. i wish i could just hug you!! im so sorry you are having a hard time...i sooo understand the feeling of basing significance on life's circumstances...we are so quick to do that!! i love you dear girl!!