It's rather addicting to watch blog stats go up... it's funny to think of that as an "addiction," because in the 1980's (I know, that's "way back in the day" for some!) it was probably unheard of. And odd. So random, but it's exactly what I'm pondering this morning as I sit and debate what in the world to eat. This is frustratingly common for me to do most days right now - I always think, "Well, what do normal people eat?" I, at best, can be considered an abnormal normal! I don't know what normal is, and I doubt I will ever know - and I'm ok with that. Being random-free-spirited-odd-yet-inspiring-Betsy is kind of neat; I welcome anyone along on the journey, truly! A journey to being oddly interesting - ha! How I've digressed so from the first sentence...
Today I looked in the mirror and couldn't stand being so thin; never once think to yourself "I wish I had an ounce of an eating disorder so I could lose weight, too!" You don't. You would never want it, and there is no such thing as having a small amount of one, because most unfortunately it goes awry fast and furiously and the next thing you know you've placed yourself in a treatment center. I promise that who you are is most beautiful, and so be pleased with that. Find things you love about yourself and treat yourself with kindness and goodness. I'm having to learn how to do this, and it's rather difficult! Chaz is so mean, loud, and cruel - especially in the mornings and evenings. He loves to scream, even, and that's the worst part of having the disorder - the screaming "You're fat, huge, bloated, and a nuisance to everyone." OH goodness! And he likes to send you into fits of depression and anxiety - sometimes a "level 5," if you want to know how we are to rate it when we report in for treatment. That's the highest level, by the way. Ok, so here's a fun thought - who decided 5 or 10 were numbers to rate your mood or levels on? I do wonder, as I would have chosen something like 7. Because it's not perfectly anything! I would come in and say, "Hello, I'm on a 7 level today, and how are you doing?" The thought makes me laugh outloud... and so that seems a positive place to end on.
Love, Betsy
""Well, what do normal people eat?" I, at best, can be considered an abnormal normal! I don't know what normal is, and I doubt I will ever know - and I'm ok with that.""
ReplyDeleteI def wonder this a lot... and it amazes me what people can eat... healthy people!! When our sense of "normal" is so warped it is hard to see any different.
hugs... been there, there, and look into recovery with you! *hugs