Sunday, September 16, 2012

ED has been renamed Chaz and other news.

As a disclaimer for anyone named Chaz who MIGHT read this:  Please understand I don't hate you, or dislike you, or really even know you.  The name, however, is really fitting for my ED.  So, no offense?  Thanks.

ED, standing for eating disorder, is now going to be Chaz... you know the one.  He's a jerk on a bike who expects the best from you and gives nothing in return.  Makes you feel terrible, fat, ugly, horrible, and at best a nuisance to others.  He's mean while at the same time putting on a facade of perfection around everyone else.  And he dresses all in leather.  Probably pleather.  You can call ED whatever you want, but the point is he's lying.  He convinces you of things that are so filled with untruths it's sickening and makes YOU sick.  Literally.  And, yeah, usually I'm going to post a lot of Betsy-funny-random-thoughts-and-thinkings while going through treatment for anorexia... but not today.  Often I wake up wondering how the day will be, and it started out ok.  It's raining!  Happy Rainy Fun Day to me!  But then, the fuzzy-headed thinking came in.  And I realized Chaz has been at again; convincing me to not take in enough protein and to eat the same snack at night - the same routine that led me into this deep, dark pit of despair.  Truth:  There is nowhere to go, not one place, but up from this point.  Hope.  Such a hope and light saturated in that phrase.  On a happier note... It's fall.  IT'S FALL!!  If I could put the smells and lovely leaves and pumpkins and warm baked treats into that one sentence, well, I would.  Fall makes me a bit more joyful - which is why Cinnamon Raisin French Toast was a most lovely, delicious breakfast choice for the morning.  I prefer to end on a more pleasant note - meaning I better stop now.  Have a beautiful day - and if you can, stop and smell the fall-goodness surrounding you.

Love, Betsy 

1 comment:

  1. you are beautiful. you are important. you are worth it. fight on purdy lady.