It started at 2 pm Tuesday. Nap time for Betsy... it's one of my favorite things to do. I wish children knew what they were missing out on! Oh, the loveliness of a nap!
But, not this Tuesday. No, no, no my body was not ABOUT to allow me to lay still and quite and at rest for awhile. It was at this time that the strange aching all over started. It did! And so, being Betsy, I thought "surely it's my back. I will lay on the floor." Obviously that worsened the pain. "I will try to sit this way... and that way... and now I will just cry and beg for the pain to stop!" And I did. On the floor. Moving ever-so-slowly as to not exacerbate the sharp, stabbing sensations.
And THEN began the heart pounding and clammy-all-feeling. Death, is that you at my door?
I was certain it was bone marrow cancer. Or a sudden onset of Osteoporosis. Or, worse, I was having a stroke. Yes. I was sure it was all these things (because OF COURSE I'm going to think of the worst diseases possible to explain why I have pain.)
I called James, who is only three hours away, and cried, cried, cried. And asked what to do (because apparently, in that state, I have no possible way of thinking rationally. I was ready to admit myself to the hospital. Truly!) Being the logical James that he is, he recommends a clinic (novel idea and MUCH less expensive than mine.) So, off I go to the nearby clinic. Thankfully (and graciously) James's best friend took me.
We were hopeful I would be seen soon, since the parking lot looked a bit sparse (not that clinics are known for having patients wait hours on end, or anything.) I got checked in, (probably looking like the Hunchback of Notre Dame. The whole standing up, appearing to be healthy and happy thing... not working) and sat with Dan while waiting. And waiting. Midst the waiting, we entertained ourselves by creating new names for the restaurants across the street, and deciding that Dan should open a clinic titled "The Quickest Clinic," or something like that. In and out in 20 minutes would be the motto. The conversation drifted to how odd some of the patients ALSO waiting were acting.
But listen, you can only create so much to do while sitting in plastic chairs waiting.
I was told "You'll be next, Ms. Herrington." High fives all around! Lovely news!
And out comes the nurse.. "Mrs. Smith?" and then, "Mr. Jones?" and how about, "Mr. and Mrs. Lee?" Seriously. I was growing so extremely impatient, as my name was not coming up. I was staring so hard at the door where the nurse came out I am sure a hole was about to be burned right through it.
Suddenly, out comes the polite lady who entered me in the computer system. "Ms. Herrington, I'm so sorry we laid your paperwork down and they neglected to add you to the list. You are next, for sure." GRAND. I'm so excited to keep waiting!
They did call me back, and I was seen by a lady I could not understand very well... and if it hadn't been for allllll the signs in the examining room saying "please wait to be discharged by staff" I would have run - or hobbled - out much faster than I went in. Of course, they take my blood, and I swear I'm so tired of giving blood. I feel like I could have saved many people by now... and goodnight above the world that lady made the needle do something awfully terrible and pain shot to my finger tips! THEN a urine sample, and I told the lab examiner, "I think I'm just going to go now, but thank you for your help."
" Oh, but miss, do you want any medicine or antibiotics?"
"I am much better (not really) and am actually running very, VERY late."
"At least let the doctor read your tests."
And then they couldn't find the doctor. Tell me, how do you suddenly lose the doctor? She was right there not one minute ago.
They find her... I talk with her... and I decline some strange pain reliever, which caused her to get tight-lipped and frowny-faced at me. "Well, if you don't want what is going to make you feel better, please sign here." I signed so fast the pen just about flew out of my hand, and I limped out the door.
Honestly, it had taken so long to be seen that a lot of the pain had subsided. I still felt strange the next day, but better. I was so curious as to what was ailing me!
Then came Thursday. That's when I discovered the real reason... peanut butter.
To think how well I had always treated my friend (or so I thought!) peanut butter all these years, and he dares to give me a hint of Salmonella poisoning. Ohhh yes. Horrifying news.
I was meandering through Kroger last night, and noticed a "We are sorry to report this, but any peanut butter made by this brand through these dates has been recalled due to several reports of Salmonella-like illnesses."
Oh my! That was the brand I used! That was what I had thrown out, due to not having a clue how I was sick! Not you, please not you! It just can't be so!
It was so. And I got a refund. I can report to you, most happily, that I do not have any of the first mentioned diseases today. I'm close to being Salmonella-free, now, and that makes me glad.
Tell me, dear readers, have you had any such experience? I would love to hear!